How to meet men


Single and looking? Meeting men is actually easy, according to professional matchmaker Janis Spindel. She's met thousands of them in her work, so she ought to know. Here are Janis's tips for how to meet men.

How to meet men
  • The key to finding a man is to do everything, go everywhere, get out and meet people. Go to cafes and museums, explore internet dating and social networking sites, use a matchmaker, and exploit your own personal social network. In line at Starbucks. Or Barnes and Noble. Or on the bus. Men (and women!) are everywhere. Be alert and take advantage of chance encounters.
  • Make sure your body language says that you are open and easy to approach in every situation where you encounter men. Smile. Look people in the eye. Hold your gaze at someone who looks interesting.
  • To break the ice, simply say "hello." Seriously, what have you got to lose?
  • Try using a "prop" -- something they are wearing or carrying as a way to break the ice. For example, if you see a guy holding a book you've read, comment on the book.
  • It is perfectly acceptable to ask friends if they know someone you might like. Keep it casual, just let them know you're available and open to an introduction.

LISA: I'm Lisa Birnbach for talking about dating, specifically dating men. Janis Spindel is someone who should know a few things about dating, she's a professional matchmaker and the author of How to Date Men. Janis thank you for joining us.

JANIS: Thanks for having me. 

LISA: How do you find a man?

JANIS:  Very easy. Comb the streets, go to the cafe, have your body language be out there and be open to looking and talking to them. There are men everywhere, it's not hard to find a man. 

LISA: So you think women have to be the aggressors?

JANIS:  Well I don't think it can hurt. One of the biggest turn-ons for men is confidence. And it's one of my middle names and if you have confidence, then there is absolutely so way that you are not going to sweep him off of his feet. 

LISA: Do you look desperate when you say to your friends or your co-workers, will you introduce me to someone, I'd like to meet a man, I don't know how. Find me someone.

JANIS:  If you say, find me someone, my god I have to meet someone, and you appear desperate and needy, then you probably look desperate and needy. But if you just put it out there, widen the net, be a networker, or you know "I'm single now, and if you know anybody, great, I'd love to meet him." Be out there, go everywhere, do everything, just be out there. 

LISA: How do feel about internet dating rather than just being introduced by someone you know?

JANIS: Internet dating is obviously out there and works really well for a lot of people. A lot of my friends have gotten married from internet dating. But, there are a lot of people that it doesn't work for. That being said, I believe that everybody should be doing everything possible and put as many avenues out there, whether it's internet dating, fixing up through friends or whatever the case might be, hiring a professional matchmaker, doing whatever it takes to meet somebody.

LISA:What about some conversational icebreakers? You're recommending that women, women watching this right now make the first move, smile and say hello. What should they come here often isn't, isn' know--

JANIS:  I think that the best thing to do is to add a sense of humor to it in one way, shape, or form--tongue in cheek, a one-liner, even if you have to use a prop--what he's wearing, what he's carrying. You can meet somebody at a line at Starbucks, you can meet somebody at a Barnes and Noble cafe. There are men everywhere, there are women everywhere, you just have to have the nerve and the confidence to go and start talking to each other. 

LISA: So Janis, specifically, what specifically can women say to a man she sees on the street, has no idea if she has anything in common with him?

JANIS:  Well I think the easiest would be to give you some examples of what I've said in the past, because again you have to bring humor into it and you have to be quick-minded. Use that tongue in cheek.  For example, I was on a bus and there was this drop-dead gorgeous guy and he had this tie on that matched his belt.  And I said to him, hmm, who dressed you this morning. Shoes and belt, must be somebody in fashion. No, no did it myself. I was at a perfume counter, there was a really good-looking guy at Bergdorf Goodman and I said to him, lucky girl, what's the occassion you're buying her a present and he said nope my mother. 

LISA: Is every man looking for a partner?

JANIS:  Yes. Every man I deal with is looking for a partner. I deal with commitment-minded, picky men who are too busy and outsource somebody to do it for them. 

LISA: We'll talk more. Thank you Janis. 

JANIS: You're welcome. 

LISA: For I'm Lisa Birnbach. 

meet theexpert
  • Janis Spindel

    Janis Spindel Founder, Janis Spindel Serious Matchmaking, Inc. Janis Spindel, a former fashion executive, is the president and founder of Janis Spindel Serious Matchmaking, Inc., Janis specializes in pairing up highly successful, well-educated, attractive professionals, including public figures and celebrities. more about this expert »

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