How intuition can help avoid dangerous situations while dating


Personal strategist Charly Emery describes how women can use intuition to help avoid dangerous dating situations. She also shares her personal experience and how ignoring her own intuition put her in a vulnerable situation that lead to rape.

Transcript You know, dating can be so much fun and I think one of the most important things is to poise yourself to actually enjoy it and to have a great time, and it’s amazing how dangerous being out there can actually become if you are not aware of what’s going on and you don’t stay true to the feelings that you have. So let me tell you a little bit about my story and you will see what I mean. When I was in college, I was in a situation where I was out with a girlfriend actually. She was my roommate and we went to a little college get together. She gave me something to drink and as soon as I sipped it I didn’t like the taste of it. There was just this feeling I had and you know, I never thought, well somebody did something to my drink; I just knew that I didn’t like it and yet I was always getting feelings about things and it sometimes made me feel different than everybody else, so I ignored it. And a little while later after I really started not feeling so well I noticed that my roommate was talking to an upper class man over in the corner of this room and I took notice of the fact that they kept turning around and looking in my direction and another little, you know, it was very, very subtle but it was like just a quick, quick comment to myself; “They’re looking at me – why are they looking at me?” And I knew I was curious but again, I ignored it. After a little while I really started to not feel very well and just when I was at the point where I was going to tell her I needed to go home another friend arrived on the scene and she immediately saw I didn’t feel well and I said, “I need to get out of here.” Well, within seconds my roommate was back over and the two of them started arguing about who was going to bring me home. Now what’s really interesting is you know I always tell people to put themselves first, but I didn’t put myself first because if I did I would have just left with my friend who was ready to take me home right that moment, but instead I felt bad about them arguing. I thought my roommate might be feeling bad that this other woman was a better friend to me and that that’s kind of who I want to go with, so I figured since she would understand and my roommate seemed to be really upset and offended that I would just wait and go with my roommate. So of course as soon as my friend left, my roommate disappeared around the corner. So here I was, still not feeling well, waiting for her and within a few minutes she returned with that guy that I saw her looking at me with and speaking about, I guessed that they were speaking about me when I was wondering why they were looking in my direction. She told me that she had changed her mind and she wanted to go to some party but that he was going to be kind enough to bring me home. So we went to a campus that was in the inner city and it was really dangerous campus. So you never walked alone at night, especially as a woman. Well, on the way home he walked to his house first and when I had that bad feeling like I didn’t want to go inside, he made me feel guilty as if he was doing me this favor by taking me home. He said, “You know, I have got things to do,” and he made me feel bad like he got roped into doing it because my roommate bailed on him and now I was kind of interrupting his evening. Long story short, that’s how he got me in the house, which is where he raped me, and all those red flags that went off from my head, I didn’t listen to any of them. It was the gift of fear, the book “The Gift of Fear” that actually helped me remember all of those things because it was about intuition and about awareness and it helped me remember all those little pieces of information that were right there to retrieve over seven years later as if they had just happened yesterday, and so one of the things that I can say to you is, I wasn’t even on a date. So the most important thing for you to do as a woman is be aware of your surroundings and listen to your intuitions even if it doesn’t makes sense to you, even if it’s a question and not a statement and it doesn’t have a definitive answer, don’t wait for the answer in order to make it relevant. Just pay attention; keep yourself safe; don’t drink too much; pay attention to your surroundings and make sure that those dating experiences are fantastic because like I said, I wasn’t even on a date but you can see how much, how even easier something like that can happen when you are on a date if you’re with somebody who has not got the best intentions for you.
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  • Charly Emery

    Charly Emery Personal Strategist Charly, a trauma survivor, helps women recycle their experiences into tools that propel them forward in their lives. Her book is hailed by readers as the bible of relationships, and she is a frequent contributor on television, in print and across the web. more about this expert »

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