How to revive your sex life

If you’ve been with the same person for a long time, odds are your sex life could use a little spicing up. But how do you broach the topic with your partner without hurting feelings?

• Communication is the key to reviving your sex life. Talk to your partner in an open and gentle way to acknowledge that something’s gone a little off track and ask how you can work together to get it back on track.
• Make it fun. After all, variety is the spice of life! Talk to your partner about what you can do to spice up your sex life.
• Talk about your fantasies with your partner. When it comes to sex, a lot of us have secret fantasies. Couples who communicate and really talk about their fantasies are the ones who have the best options available to them and really could have a great sex life.
• If your partner has a fantasy that is shocking to you, the tendency is to react immediately with “No way! I’m never going to do that!” Sussman recommends that you sit with it for a little bit, think about it and go back to your partner and ask what it is about the fantasy that turns them on.
• If you have an idea about how to spice things up, but are feeling a little shy, find the courage! You can practice the discussion by talking it through to yourself. Then, sit down at a nice quiet dinner and say, “We’ve been talking about reviving our sex life and different ways in which we can do this and I have an idea to do something that might be fun. Would you be open to hearing my idea?”
• If your partner is reluctant, be patient and try to find out why. Is there something about the idea that seems threatening or scary to your partner? Ask your partner if there’s a way that you can help them overcome the fear or a way for you to work together to spice up your sex life.
• If you can’t find the words to talk to your partner about sex or they are reluctant to talk about it, seeing a counselor may help. A counselor can help you find the words and create a safe space for your feelings and thoughts to be articulated in a way that can really do some good for your relationship.
• Although it doesn’t seem very romantic, scheduling a sex date/date night can be very helpful when you have busy schedules. The key is to make it fun and make sure the evening culminates with having sex. (Or, begins with having sex!)