How to deal with difficult people

You've encountered them. Difficult people who annoy you and cause your blood pressure to rise. The snippy salesperson who seems to be willfully ignoring you. The grouchy, strident, demanding boss. Or the co-worker who's 'done it again' and gotten you to do their work. While your natural inclination may be to try to clear the air, make light of the situation and find a peaceful, common ground, this may not be the best way in dealing with diffulcult people whose behavior annoys you.

• The best approach in all these situations is to try to control your reactions. There will always be obnoxious people and difficult situations that you can't control, but you can always learn to control the way that you react.

• Don't try to find that peaceful, common ground as it will only encourage difficult people to continue the behavior that annoys you. Instead, remain neutral and protect your ground. Try to contain your anger. State facts, and be assertive without being aggressive. And remember that the difficult, annoying behavior is about them, not you. Don't take it personally. Really. Don't take it personally.

• When faced with dealing with situations that cause our blood pressure to rise, we often react in one of two ways --- getting angry and upset, or feeling and acting hurt.

• Angry and upset? It frequently leads us to think that we must find a way to get their behavior to change. You need to let that thought go. It's never going to happen. You can only control and change your own behavior.

• Acting hurt? Counterproductive. Difficult people will instinctively take advantage of your need for approval. In this situation, try to visualize yourself as indifferent. You don't need their approval; nor do you need to get angry.

• Keep in mind that difficult people whose annoying behavior 'gets a rise' out of you may, in fact, be doing just that—causing your blood pressure to actually rise. (And causing other physical symptoms like elevated heart rate, rapid, shallow breathing and the production of damaging hormones.) If you believe that every interaction with an annoying boss or co-worker will inevitably degenerate into a confrontation, this added stress can lead to other counter-productive behavior like overeating or not sleeping as you worry about tomorrow's meeting.

• When dealing with difficult people, getting to a calm, centered space inside yourself ratchets everything down, and helps you get control of your emotional reactions. And when you change 'inside', it can affect a change 'outside' as annoying people won't be able to have such a big effect on you, and you're better able to keep them from getting under your skin.