How to nurture a healthy body image in girls

Carol Weston has been writing an advice column for teenage girls for more than a decade, and one of the most common issues she tackles is body image. Some girls wish their breasts were bigger, some smaller. Some girls are very heavy but don’t know how to lose weight. And many have unrealistic ideas of what a girl can and should look like, based on the imagery they see in magazines and on television.

Tips for Parents:

• Tell your teenager she looks good if she does.  If she is seriously overweight, don’t pretend she isn’t. Help her lose some weight by having the right foods in the house, and avoiding the wrong ones.

• Keep junk food out of the house.

• Don’t complain constantly about your own weight or talk about your own compulsive eating habits.

• Remind her that no one is perfect, and that however she was meant to be is just fine.

• Help your kids to be as fit as possible, and nurture a positive attitude about their bodies by reminding them that no one really looks the way models do.

If you reinforce the idea that however your child was naturally programmed to be is just fine, and you help her be fit and healthy, you can create a positive, healthy body image.

DENISE: I'm Denise Richardson and this is howdini.com. With us now is Carol Weston who's author of many books including Girltalk, but most importantly for us she's been the Girl's Life columnist since 1994. We're talking body image here and let's talk about the letters that you receive because they're really important. What are these young women, and maybe boys, what are they saying about body image?

CAROL: Boys worry about their bodies, but girls worry even more. And I get, I would say about one in four of my letters probably is about body issues. A lot of girls, um, you know my--I already have breasts and I don't even want them, or I'm so flat and I wish I had breasts. That's just a big one. And also, um, I'm so fat, I know I'm fat, everyone teases me for being fat. That's a really sad and a really common letter. Some girls tell me, you know, how much they weigh and how much, you know, they're not sure how they look. It's almost like they have no idea how they look. So they're very--there's a lot of confusion out there, and I think it would be so healthy if parents could just help their kids get as fit as possible and feel good about it. 

DENISE:  Yeah, but there's emotional wear and tear in not knowing and feeling confident with your body. What's the level of emotion that you hear in the letters?

CAROL: Many girls write me and say they want to lose weight, but I don't want to barf. They really don't know how to lose weight. So on the one hand if your girl looks great, we want her, we want you Mom, Dad, to help that daughter feel great. But if in fact she has a weight problem, you want to help her with that. If she had pimples all over her face you wouldn't say you look great, you'd take her to a dermatologist. So if you have a girl who's size extra extra extra large and she's thirteen, she's about to have a miserable time in school. So you owe it to her to help her. 

DENISE:  What's even more excruciating is to look at magazine cover no matter where you go and to think that you're supposed to look like that cover. They kind of know air brushing, but they don't get air brushing.

CAROL: Right and you say no, no, nobody in real life looks like that. Let's go outside and walk around today. Okay you tell me if you see anybody who looks like that. She's a model because that is how she looks, that's what she does best is look good. You have so many strengths, honey, I'm so proud of you. It's all about in adolescence, at some point, looking in the mirror and saying my height is my height. You know, I am 5'2; I can't wish myself any taller, and now I'm fine with that. That's the whole point. You know tall is fine, you know petite is fine. Flat is fine, buxom is fine. You're helping your son and your daughter feel good with how they look. And if they've got, you know, pimples or too much weight or something that you can help them with, then help them with that. 

DENISE:  You know there are parents who don't realize this. But they're exasperating the kid's problem with their body image, and they're doing it how. And you must hear that in you mail as well.

CAROL: Well I'm not sure that my uh, my letter writers are aware that Mom's triggering this, but you are absolutely right. A lot of moms who are so, and some dads, who are so careful about what they eat--oh no, not this dressing on the salad, oh on not dessert, never dessert--that suddenly they have a kid who would never maybe have dessert in their house, but goes to the best friend's house and has three cupcakes. So really I hope for the parents' sake that you've made peace with food. Food should be a very happy and important part of everybody's life, but if you know that you're a little compulsive about it, try not to pass that on to your kid. The easiest way is just to keep the junk food out of your house. I'm telling you if I had chocolate chip cookies in my house everyday I would eat them. So the solution is, don't have them there. You know? 

DENISE:  You have some S's in your lifestyle.

CAROL: Oh I always say my S rule. Cut back on snacks, sweets, seconds, and soda. 

DENISE:  What advice would you give to a parent whose child comes to them and says I want a breast reduction, breast enhancement, or want a nose job. 

CAROL: In most cases I would say to the parent to say to the kid, honey you look great. You have a beautiful body, you're healthy, enjoy your body for what it does not just how it looks. By the way you look great. If you believe that your daughter looks great just uh, she's going to believe she looks great too. And there's no such thing as perfect, but if you want to be perfect it ain't going to happen. So just want to look good. You probably already look good, you know, so...

DENISE:  And perfection is more often where you're at right now. Carol Weston thank you very much for being with us.

CAROL: Thank you.