How to get beyond the first date

You had a great first date. You really liked him. You thought he really liked you. You called the next day to thank him and suggested a second date. But you haven't heard back from him in three to four days. And did we say that you really thought that he liked you? What to do?

• Try to figure out why you thought he really liked you. It may just be that circumstances have prevented him from calling rather than he just isn't into you. If you think his interest was genuine, go ahead and call him. It shows interest, and men like that.

• When you do go on the second date, and you both discover that the spark is genuine, remember that it's NOT okay to invite him upstairs, or to be invited up to his place. While there is no "rule" for when it's okay to have sex -- either number of dates or length of time --- it has to grow out of your developing relationship. How frequently are you seeing him? What's your comfort level? Does it just seem "right" to you now? (And according to Janis Spindel, it's never okay for you to initiate sex.)

• The top three things that men look for in a date:
  • Looks
  • Intellectual stimulation
  • Confidence and sense of humor

• The three things that they don't want:
  • High maintenance
  • Overweight
  • Stupidity

• Keep in mind that men do tend to be realistic about what they are looking for in a date.

• If you really like a guy, but just don't find him physically attractive after the second or third date, don't give up yet. Try to assess what it is about him that you do find attractive -- is it his personality? Is he really bright and interesting? If there's substance, go for another three dates, as looks can easily "grow" on you. Give yourself time and you may be surprised!