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Janis Spindel
Founder, Janis Spindel Serious Matchmaking, Inc.
You’ve met someone interesting and you're hoping he’ll call for a date. What now? Here are the rules according to Janis Spindel, founder of Janis Spindel Serious Matchmaking, Inc.
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Instructions
How to get a date
- Getting that first date needn't be daunting or difficult. Janis's basic advice? Lose the playbook and be your best self. (Men see through the rules easily, she says. He knows what you're up to, and it turns him off. You aren't fooling him by not returning phone calls or acting disinterested.
- Be confident. Let him know you're available in both subtle and overt ways when you first meet. For example, discreetly put your hand on his arm or on his hand to signal, "I'm interested in you." This subtle display of body language is both tasteful and appropriate. This gesture shows a sign of warmth, and men like women who are warm.
- Trust that he WILL make the first move and wait — briefly — for him to call you.
- If you've traded phone numbers and he hasn't called in two or three days, send him an e-mail or text message lightly suggesting a cup of coffee or short lunch. He may have legitimately lost your number or he may not be interested, but at this point you have nothing to lose.
- If he asks YOU to pick a restaurant for a first meeting, be conservative. Pick a casual, not-too-expensive place where you both can easily be yourselves. (We once heard someone suggest that first dates should be held at places that remind us of our school cafeterias!) Lunch is a better choice than dinner — it's easier to arrange, and allows you to use the “I've got to get back to the office for a meeting” exit strategy. And nobody has to worry about a goodnight kiss.
- Don't do ANYthing that makes you uncomfortable.
- Don't ignore your gut feelings. They are usually accurate barometers of what's going on.
- Don't go to a guy's place on the first date — even if he reports that he is a fabulous cook and would love to cook you dinner.
- Don't choose intimate, romantic, out of the way restaurants on a first date.
- Don't wait forever for him to call. Seize the initiative and call him.
- Don't play games.
- Don't be timid. Take advantage of ALL opportunities to meet new men, and cast your net as widely as possible to meet candidates for that first date.
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