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When Thongs Go Wrong

Posted on June 27th, 2008 in HOWDINI by admin

Here’s a cautionary tale: A California woman is suing Victoria’s Secret because, she says, a metal clasp that held a rhinestone heart in place flew off the thong, and hit her in the eye, causing cornea injury and excruciating pain.

I thought all thongs were excruciating, although not necessarily to the eye.

I’m just not a fan of the thong. Of course this means sometimes risking the dreaded VPL, aka Visible Panty Line. But I figure, anyone who looks at my butt will quickly turn away, because they’re either a) so not interested or b) appalled by its moving parts. Therefore, I have reasoned, better you see a momentary flash of panty line than I suffer the discomfort of a thong all day long.

The lady who got injured by thong shrapnel is a 52 year old LA traffic cop. I would think VPL wouldn’t be an issue with dark uniforms, but maybe in LA they’re made of thinner material. I’m impressed that a 52 year old woman likes to rock a thong under her uniform. Actually, I don’t know for sure she was going to wear it under her uniform, but I have to imagine she was.

Think about it: If you’ve ever pleaded for mercy from a super-crabby female traffic cop who was about to write you a ticket, her stubborn unwillingness to give you a break just might be due to painful chafing.

Hmmm..maybe they all wear thongs under their uniforms. It would explain a lot.

The blogosphere has been alive with comments about this story, some people calling it an outrageous, frivolous lawsuit, others saying it’s clearly a legitimate case of personal injury from a defective product.

I’m not sure how I feel about this lawsuit. Was the g-string unstrung? Was it simply physics—contents under pressure until finally they exploded? Or is it the wearer, trying to reap a windfall from a freak accident?

I think you just have to file this one under “Stuff Happens.”

And hope that the next time you encounter a traffic cop as she’s about to write you a ticket, she’s wearing granny panties and not a thong.

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